Saturday, September 13, 2014

"CRONAN THE BARBARIAN" LIGHTS UP GASLIGHT THEATRE"

By Chuck Graham, TucsonStage.com

There's a 1980s flavor to the song list in Gaslight Theatre's new action adventure onstage, “Cronan the Barbarian,” inspired by the action movie that starred the ex-governor of California (you can hear him pronounce that state's name, can't you).

Todd Thompson looks muscular enough in the title role, and can't resist doping up his accent now and then to remind us how that body builder could always flex his pecs at the box office.

But the best joke comes from Mike Yarema who plays about a dozen different parts, dashing onstage in so many different costumes he must have his own personal wardrobe manager backstage keeping track of everything.

Yarema opens the show as a swaggering pirate captain with enough a-rrrr-gh jokes to gag a sea monster (which actually makes its own ocean entrance a short time later). From there, he's on to being the amply endowed gladiator Gluteus Maximus and a wild variety of other soldiers in elaborate garb (not all at the same time), as well as becoming Bragdar the Horrendous and a very charming creature of the half-man/half-horse variety – Equinox the Centaur.

Given that Cronan has other-worldly physical strength, it's only fitting he should face more than a few evil forces. One sinister super-villain just wouldn't be enough.

Tallest of these blaggards from history's dark side is the fiercely costumed Ataxia, an angry general of high stature in the Draconian Army, played with intensity by Armen Dirtadian. Equally black of heart is Vultura (Heather Stricker), so wicked she even has her own despicable Magic Mirror that tells on everybody.

The aptly named Reptilius (David Orley), wearing period robes and taking ham where its never been before with his perpetual scowl, completes the suite of selfish scoundrels determined to bring down Cronan and turn the people into slaves.

Looking on the bright side, Cronan is joined in battle by none other than Zeena (Katherine Byrnes) the famous female warrior possessed of enormous strength and athletic ability. If there had been any tall buildings back in those times, she could have leaped over them, as well. Nicely enough, Janee Page as the striking Princess Persephone also provides some unspoken mirth creating moments reminiscent of Zeena's little blond buddy Gabrielle from the TV series.

As the plot begins in conflict with Conan in chains and winds its way through hard times to a guaranteed happy ending, the song list grows to include the domineering Ataxia singing about how he is “Taking Care of Business,” Princess Persephone crying out “I Need A Hero,” Gluteus Maximus boasting that he is a “Macho Man” and Cronan calling on the “Eye of the Tiger” while Zeena promises “I Will Survive.” There are other songs in there, too.

Threatening to be the scene stealer is a particularly inventive olio based on the Johnny Carson late night TV show. Yarema is back in a tidy white wig as the golf club swinging Carson, but Orley takes it all as over-the-top Ed McMahon.

Orley has done his research, tossing off McMahon's mannerisms one after the

other with pitch-perfect aplomb. Absolutely hilarious.

“Cronan the Barbarian” and its accompanying olio play through Nov. 9 with performances at various times Tuesdays through Sundays. Tickets are $18.50 adults, $16.50 students, seniors and military, $8.50 children 12 and under. Reservations are a must. Visitwww.thegaslighttheatre.com or phone 520-886-9428.

 

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